Thursday, September 04, 2008
I will boast in the Lord. I will boast of my weakness so that His strength may be made complete in me. The Lord is merciful and faithful in His Word and works.
He is good. He is faithful. His Word is true.
Another long 2 hour chat with my grandma today after a short misunderstanding. This was how it happened:
I had been fatigued over the past 2 weeks and allowed fear to conquer me and lose boldness to confront the issues I'm facing with. This is the 3rd week, and as school, church, ministry commitments start kicking in, I had been relying on my own strength to juggle it all.
The week before, I had told my grandma I'd be returning home on Wednesday morning. (I'm currently moving between home in Jurong and Cantonment, which I think is a huge cause of the fatigue.) Wednesday morning came, but I felt weak and needed personal space and rest. My heart was burdened as I could not contact my grandma and I struggled in the flesh to get out of my home early. Also, staying with my grandma can be really intense. I did not feel I'd have the capacity to withhold (in my own strength).
I ran. I fled. I hid.
The night of returning, my grandma called my home and began accusing my mum of stealing her will (long story about this... Money was the root of the feud between my grandma and my dad, but it really is the darkening of men's heart and bitter hatred). My mum was deeply agitated by the accusation. I knew in my heart that the issue had snowballed from
my absence. my fear. my timidity.
I did not go to class today. I went to see a doctor to get an excuse to rest. I would be going back to see her today. I uttered a prayer in my heart:
"Lord, grant me favour with my grandma. Dispell any doubts or anger in her so she may feel loved. Grant us patience."
My mum waited for me at the park below the block. We prayed before we set forth to my grandma's place on the 28th floor.
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. - Proverbs 15:1
Through listening and reaffirming, I understand more how she feels. I am burdened of her misconceptions about life. I can love her more.
My grandma has many concerns and issues with trust. She trust no ones and is cautious, having been cheated many times through her life. She chooses not to have friends, she awaits her destiny she believes is the judgment upon those who have afflicted pain and agony to her. She shared that she was also cautious of why I have come to stay with her and if it was due to other reasons. She shared
her suspicions, her doubts, her accusations.
But she shared it from her heart. She poured out to me her feelings and her distress. Her agony and her pain. Her bitterness to my father and paternal relatives. She wants to build trust in me, being her grandson. She loves me and my mum.
"Father, I praise You for You are good, faithful and Your Word stands true. Use me in Your ministry of reconciliation. Pardon my weaknesses, yet I know Your grace is sufficient for me. I pray for my grandma that you will lift the veil of her eyes, so that she will see you and know You are God. Forgive her wrong accusations against You, for she knows not what she is doing. Bring her into salvation, that she might truly know You as Lord and Saviour. Amen"
I continue to bear in mind the words my SM Bixia encouraged me with:
"the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world" - 1 John 4:4
Indeed, in Christ we have the victory.
He is good. He is faithful. His Word is true.
Another long 2 hour chat with my grandma today after a short misunderstanding. This was how it happened:
I had been fatigued over the past 2 weeks and allowed fear to conquer me and lose boldness to confront the issues I'm facing with. This is the 3rd week, and as school, church, ministry commitments start kicking in, I had been relying on my own strength to juggle it all.
The week before, I had told my grandma I'd be returning home on Wednesday morning. (I'm currently moving between home in Jurong and Cantonment, which I think is a huge cause of the fatigue.) Wednesday morning came, but I felt weak and needed personal space and rest. My heart was burdened as I could not contact my grandma and I struggled in the flesh to get out of my home early. Also, staying with my grandma can be really intense. I did not feel I'd have the capacity to withhold (in my own strength).
I ran. I fled. I hid.
The night of returning, my grandma called my home and began accusing my mum of stealing her will (long story about this... Money was the root of the feud between my grandma and my dad, but it really is the darkening of men's heart and bitter hatred). My mum was deeply agitated by the accusation. I knew in my heart that the issue had snowballed from
my absence. my fear. my timidity.
I did not go to class today. I went to see a doctor to get an excuse to rest. I would be going back to see her today. I uttered a prayer in my heart:
"Lord, grant me favour with my grandma. Dispell any doubts or anger in her so she may feel loved. Grant us patience."
My mum waited for me at the park below the block. We prayed before we set forth to my grandma's place on the 28th floor.
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. - Proverbs 15:1
Through listening and reaffirming, I understand more how she feels. I am burdened of her misconceptions about life. I can love her more.
My grandma has many concerns and issues with trust. She trust no ones and is cautious, having been cheated many times through her life. She chooses not to have friends, she awaits her destiny she believes is the judgment upon those who have afflicted pain and agony to her. She shared that she was also cautious of why I have come to stay with her and if it was due to other reasons. She shared
her suspicions, her doubts, her accusations.
But she shared it from her heart. She poured out to me her feelings and her distress. Her agony and her pain. Her bitterness to my father and paternal relatives. She wants to build trust in me, being her grandson. She loves me and my mum.
"Father, I praise You for You are good, faithful and Your Word stands true. Use me in Your ministry of reconciliation. Pardon my weaknesses, yet I know Your grace is sufficient for me. I pray for my grandma that you will lift the veil of her eyes, so that she will see you and know You are God. Forgive her wrong accusations against You, for she knows not what she is doing. Bring her into salvation, that she might truly know You as Lord and Saviour. Amen"
I continue to bear in mind the words my SM Bixia encouraged me with:
"the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world" - 1 John 4:4
Indeed, in Christ we have the victory.
Labels: In Christ we have the victory
